Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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