Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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