go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
