I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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