p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
