it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
