I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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