Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
