The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
