I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
