I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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