Don't you send me to vm
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
