shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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