i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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