Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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