i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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