So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
