Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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