i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
