guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
