i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
