brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
