considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
