3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
