Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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