Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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