ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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