Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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