toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
