I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
