I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
