YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
