Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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