Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
