are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
