What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
