i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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