Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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