I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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