after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
