my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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