bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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