Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
