The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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