Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
