Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
