Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
