she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
