hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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