I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
