kristin has been a bad kristin
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
