none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
