I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
