Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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