you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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