Apparently you make a good broom.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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