Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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