Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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