so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
