Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
