If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
