Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
