this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is my gift to your gina
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
