he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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