her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
