I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
