I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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