So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
