he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize