literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
