I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
