He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
