Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How naked do you want me to be?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
