Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
