Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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