I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
