Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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