Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
