Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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