She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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