Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
