Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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