i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
