i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
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On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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