so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize