my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have already put on my inside pants.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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