Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
