I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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