Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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