Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
