she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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