5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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