You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
