Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
