Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
